Love.. Let's Talk About Love.

I have been trying to sort out my heart today. Sorting out love. About why I love and whom I love and when did the choice to love escape me. Today is Mother's day. The day when humanity recognizes the nurturing tender love picture many carry of their mothers. In some ways it is a day when we can look and celebrate one piece of who God is too. So on this day I reflected on this love issue I have and on the choice of love.

I have heard some say that love is a choice. I can certainly see this view. In His word John 3:16 says “ For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son...”. That most definitely was a choice right? In 1 John 4:7-21 (NIV) it talks about God's love vs our love. It says that we know love because God is love. And when we accept God and live in Him we love others. It's a love fest of sorts I guess. So it's in that context we chose love or not to love.

So back to my dilemma and the choice to love. I remember in away choosing to love my son. He was inside my belly and I fell hopelessly in love with him. He is an amazing gift from God. When he was born I remember him searching the room for me and my voice. He knew me and my love from the beginning. Even in a season of trying times I know deep inside he knows I love him. This reminds me of Psalms 139:13 (NIV) “For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother's womb.” God knows us and loves us before we even took our first breath, so when was the choice to love?

I chose to love someone who doesn't love me a long time ago. I am actually quite ashamed of my feelings to be honest. I feel like my love is bad and wrong. Now since I made that choice it doesn't seem so easy not to love them. I have tried so many different things to not love the person. But as I sit here tonight I realized that in the split second I chose to love, to truly love, there was no going back. I am blessed by the gift of knowing what it is to chose to love twice outside of God and be blessed by both this person and my son. Regrets, shame, fear they don't belong in love.

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” 1 John 4:16-18 (NIV)

Does it hurt that my love is rejected. Yes it does. But I wonder if it is a way God is showing me how He feels when I reject His love in my life or when I doubt where His love is taking me. I am earnestly working on falling in love with Him completely. I don't know where my journey will lead but God knows my heart, better than I do I am sure. I believe in Love, I believe in Him...