Shaken but Endures...

" Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.  As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore." Psalms 125:1-2 (NIV) Zondervan

I find trust is a hard thing for me.  After experiencing so many things in life that have broken my trust it seems like its a stupid thing to do. Right?  When a person trusts their parent, friend, or someone else to be worthy of trust and they break that it leaves us maybe feeling raw inside and betrayed.  So when I look at God through betrayed scarred eyes it seems hard to believe I can trust Him.  And the anger I have because of it is at times overwhelming.  So what now?  Do I throw my hands up and decide to live a fearful scared existence that has me avoid intimate relationships with others?  My answer is no.

The people that hurt me aren't God.  He said through the psalmist in Psalms 125 that He would surround me now and forever.  He didn't want those people to hurt me.  They had choices and unfortunately they chose the one that hurt me and probably others.  And even though I was hurt God brought good people too.  People who showed me love and kindness even if it was only a little bit.  God's heart is that we make the good choice, but sometimes we don't.  Sometimes we are blinded by our own selfish desires.  We don't see the waves the choices can make.  Sometimes the choices we make are made because we are blind to the other choices available.  Regardless, the choice sets in motion good or bad.  The thing I can trust in is that God will be there to hold me up, comfort me and love on me. 

Someone out there may not believe this.  Might think this lady hasn't seen what I've seen.  She hasn't been through what I've been through.  That could be true.  We all have a different journey.  But I know what pain, betrayal, fear, hunger, anger, and overwhelming misery is.  I have walked with that in my journey.  But I have also known love and been blessed to love as well.  Some of the pain has helped me to see through God's eyes.  If you struggle with trusting Him today I ask that you do what I have done many times.  Stop, get quiet, asking Him why, what, who, how whatever you need to and listen.  If you don't first hear Him speaking to your heart try again.  He will answer.  Trust Him.  When all others fail, He is the one that is truly worthy of your trust.

Hope you have a good day.

She wept.

"if this man were a prophet he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is--she is a sinner." Luke 7:39 (NIV)

I have always found some kind of comfort in the story of the woman who washed Jesus's feet with her tears. Not because of the way it portrays her servitude or even how it points out the attitudes of others. No it really stands out to me because I am that woman. I have been poor, outcasted and scorned. I have found myself desperate for peace, love and to be saved from my pain. And having found that she gives all she has for it. She lays it all out to obtain it. She knows what others have said about her. She is a prostitute, a whore, a nobody so who would love her. All her shame she leaves at his feet in her tears, all her heart she pours out over his feet, and with all she has left she wipes away the shame and fears she laid there. She is safe. She has found one who takes her as she is and loves her despite what she believes she is.

I think belief has a powerful hold. If I believe that I am nothing more than the negative then I find no hope in my life outside of it. If I believe only the positive then I live a life void of truth. When I accept the good and the bad... when I seek out the one who sees both the good and bad of my life, then I am living a full life. Scars may make someone else say "she is ugly, broken, used" but to him I am beautiful, special and loved.

This may sound like alot of misguided words to some. Maybe you have only found bitterness and scorn in your day. Unfortunately, as people we don't always see how our actions affect others. I know I certainly don't. I don't pretend to have all the answers either. I am a complete mess. But my heart longs and sees the hope in laying it all at God's metaphoric feet. He has never left me or forsake me though others and their choices have. I don't mean to talk alot of blah blah blahs here. I hope you can really see my heart. If you've been broken or hurting its hard to lay it down. Or at least for me I know it can be. I invite you to come cry your tears with me. And then after the tears I hope we can then share the joy that finds us after.

Sweet Dreams!